I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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