You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
