I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
