If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
