This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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