You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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