Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
