there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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