It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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