id be glad to
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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