another moral hangover. fuck.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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