party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
