My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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