Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize