There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
