His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You're like the curious george of whores
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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