May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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