I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
