Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize