At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
