Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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