Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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