how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
where am i from again
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
