you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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