Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
