so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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