why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
