oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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