apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize