Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
