The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
