I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i will never coherently bang her
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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