I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
