I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
