K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
