she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
