3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
