the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
