Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
