My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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