Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
