Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
