Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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