why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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