I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
