Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
