you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
im holly from the hills drunk
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We just shotgunned beers for America
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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