I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
