remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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