I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
