Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
don't judge my taste in strippers
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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