I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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