I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
