So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
