she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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