Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize