it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize