I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
